Seeking Happiness- You Have It All But Feel Unworthy Of Love and Freedom Beyond Success- Part 1
So, you have made it. You are a success woman but why do you feel unworthy of happiness, love and freedom beyond success?
You have climbed the ladders, navigated all the snakes and reached the top of your game. You are ready, poised at the lofty heights for ‘it’ all, to be bestowed upon you. After all the sacrifices you have made and hoops you have jumped through, you wait expectantly for the prize to come. And you wait. And you wait.
What is this prize you await and never comes? It’s the happiness, love and freedom that success promised you! Not the, ‘just bought a fantastic pair of Manolos’ or the, ‘incredible trip to see gorillas in Uganda,’ kind of happiness. I mean, the idea sold to us from billboards, the dream inherited from parents and teachers. The idea that once you have achieved your dreams, bought every handbag you want, luxury cars, multi million house in the right postcode and jet travel around the world, with a trophy family and dog to match…… then you will have true happiness, fulfillment and freedom.
Though you wait (and the call inside of you is still there). A whisper at first that can be quelled by buying more things and collecting new experiences to post on social media. Though it remains- the feeling that there is more. There must be more than ’this’. Though you have everything. In your heart you know it exists as you have read about it, heard about it and dreamt of it. How do you get it? Can it really be true?
I remember these questions so vividly, and the day I made a decision to change.
It was 6.30 in the morning and I was on the train to Paris. I was wearing a beautiful Vivienne Westwood suit, but most importantly, I had my portfolio of new designs, and all appeared well. Running my own global jewelry company, whilst at the same time travelling weekly to Paris as a consultant for Dior and Cartier, it was a dream that millions of girls would die for…I didn’t’ mind the hard work, the early mornings, the long hours and living in a suitcase- my passion for jewelry was enough to keep me going into the unknown…But why I had to become somebody else, why my talent wasn’t enough? Why I had to portray a personal image that each day was further and further away from who I felt I was? I knew I couldn’t carry on like this anymore.
I felt lost, where was the feeling of satisfaction? Of fulfillment? Who was I really? Though no one could see it. They didn’t realise. It was the secrecy and shame I felt for not being myself, acting up to a different set of standards than my own, performing a role that was alien to my beliefs and values. I couldn’t see the merit of my success, instead I felt unhappy and miserable, ungrateful for my life, the brilliant life I had created for myself. I didn’t want to admit to anyone how I was feeling, I didn’t know who to talk to, where to go next. I felt trapped between two worlds, with no emergency button to press on… Though I was slowly suffocating inside, I had to built a shield, a bullet proof persona to walk into the outer world, smiling while meeting people who expected me to be strong and confident, while my world was crumbling inside…
But was I ready to give up my true authentic self ? Who I wanted to see when looking in the mirror? What was the story I was telling myself when nobody was listening? Why my work life wasn’t aligned with my feelings? Was this ‘outer persona’ and what I did for a living, meant to be just a reflection of the possessions I owned? While this faulty self-image that I carry around with me every day, was taking over my inner self, I felt unworthy of happiness, love and fulfillment, I was digging into a core wound, loosing my soul, baring my self into an early grave that I couldn’t come out from…
Most of us experience this tendency to believe that we are unworthy on some deep, undefinable level. Whether we believe that we are unworthy of happiness, pleasure, love, or fulfillment, we all have a “core wound” deep inside that varies according to our circumstances and experiences.
I became determined to find a way to overcome those feelings which led me to discover a new life, a new purpose and a new sense of happiness, freedom and fulfillment. My Eureka moment arrived eventually when I created and road tested a system for happiness and fulfillment and I felt that I am finally in alignment with my authentic self. I decided to share my discovery with others who, just like me, have it all but feel unworthy of happiness and freedom beyond success. Teaching thousands of people to free themselves and discover their life purpose, helps them find this lasting happiness.
We are conditioned to believe that someone else or something else is in charge with our happiness and we expect others to deliver it to us. What if you already have it all? What if it is not only within your grasp, but it is the grasping that makes it seem like it is outside of yourself? What if, YOU have the power to find it and transform your life with it?
One way to start the process, is taking responsibility for your own feelings. It is so much easier to blame everything around us for how we feel. We blame the traffic, the weather, our partner, the economy. We are trained to think that only when everything in the outer world is perfect, our internal world would be perfect too. But is your happiness outside of our control?
The truth is the only thing we can control is our reaction to the external world. At every given moment we choose how to react to a situation. It may not feel like it, but it is a choice. You are in control of what you think. For most of the time, you have let your mind randomly think without filtering the 70,000 thoughts racing in your mind each day. Are those thoughts entering your mind serving your purpose?
Self Awareness is the first step towards personal power
One of the first things you can start doing is to become aware of, and responsible for your choice of thoughts and feelings. You have the power to change both your thoughts and your feelings. Ask yourself: What are your thoughts going to bring you? Happiness? Sadness? Anger? Inner Peace? Suffering? It needs training, in the same way as becoming fit, you exercise. You don’t expect to get a six pack from laying on the beach sipping cocktails.
The very first step you can take is to begin to notice what you are telling yourself. Notice what are your re-occurring thoughts. Imagine yourself as the observer, just listening to and noticing the thoughts that are coming into your mind. And notice that they don’t stay, they will turn into another thought, and another. One thought cannot remain in your mind for long. Just watch.
Awareness is the first step towards personal power. Your thoughts could create an idea that you are separate from the bliss that you are searching for, from the pure happiness that you have within. It is just an idea that you have created that you can be separate from your divine right to be whole perfect and complete. You are an infinite, incredible being with no limitations, boundaries or sorrow. We have created an idea of what it is to be a human here on this planet. We have told ourselves stories of limitation and lack that are not true. Taking back your power, happiness and freedom is a choice.