Running on Emotional Overdraft? Here is How to Open a New Confidence Account and Shut Down Self-doubt

I used to think confidence was something other women were born with, women who knew how to walk into a room without shrinking, ask for what they wanted without apologizing or speak without second-guessing every word. I assumed they inherited the gene of confidence same way some receive a large amount of money in their bank account.

These confident women had something I didn’t. I thought. But the truth is, they didn’t and weren’t born with it. They weren’t genetically gifted, they built it, day by day, decision by decision, while the rest of us were still trying to quiet that voice in our head that says, “You’re not ready yet.”

If you’ve ever held back because you doubted yourself, this isn’t a flaw in you, it’s a pattern. A loop your mind plays based on anticipation of failure, fear, old stories and past moments you haven’t yet forgiven yourself for. Try to understand this: confidence is not about being fearless but learning from those moments, storing what they taught you and using that knowledge to move forward anyway.

How do you find confidence in your daily life when everything you are facing seems to eat your confidence with a big spoon?

Think of it like opening a new kind of bank account, not for money, but for every small act of courage, every lesson learned, every time you showed up when it would’ve been easier to stay small. That is your confidence account. And today, you get to start making deposits.

Who builds your Confidence

For some of us, confidence seems to look like a blue butterfly that appears when you decide to be still, just long enough for it to land. It’s delicate, like the Ephemeridae that only lives for a day, unless you choose to tend to it, to notice it, to welcome it every time it comes back.

Some days, it will flutter away the moment doubt enters the room. Other days, it will rest on your shoulder like it belongs there. It doesn’t come when chased, and it doesn’t stay unless you choose stillness long enough to let it trust you. But is confidence flying in your space from outside, like a butterfly through a window?

When you understand that confidence doesn’t come from somewhere or someone and you are the only one who can generate it, everything changes. You can write this down and remember it as part of your daily routine:

Confidence doesn’t come from the outside . It is something you build from within.

For many women, however, self-doubt can feel like an uninvited guest that never leaves, quietly undermining every step forward. And if there is something that comes out in every single conversation we have online at our weekly Rich Afternoon Tea, is self- doubt.

But here’s the thing: every time you have faced a challenge and come out the other side, you have learned something. Every victory, no matter how small, adds to your strength. Those lessons are the key to building a new kind of confidence—one that’s rooted in your growth, not in the approval of others.

How to Shut Down Self-doubt

At first, it might look like nothing more than a quiet stream, uncertain, winding, barely noticeable. But as it gathers through small choices, risks taken, and moments where you show up despite the fear it begins to carve out a path. A path shaped by persistence, not perfection.

Confidence is like Niagara Falls, it doesn’t arrive in a single moment. It builds, drop by drop, over time. Niagara Falls wasn’t formed overnight. It was sculpted by pressure, movement, and time. Confidence works the same way. Every time you speak up instead of staying silent, every time you show kindness to yourself instead of criticism, you add to the current. Slowly, you become more sure of your footing.

More grounded in your worth. The flow grows stronger. And then, one day, you notice it: the roar. That steady, undeniable force within you that doesn’t ask for permission anymore. Confidence doesn’t mean the fear is gone, it means you have built something stronger than it. Like the Falls, it’s messy and wild and beautiful. But it’s yours. Not because someone gave it to you—but because you created it. Drop by drop. Decision by decision. Until it became impossible to ignore.

Even then, self-doubt has a way of sneaking into your mind, especially during times of transition or uncertainty. It tells you you things like “are not enough”, that “others are better, smarter, or more qualified”. But what if you could see self-doubt for what it truly is, a voice in your head that is trying to make you predict a negative outcome, not an accurate reflection of who you are?

The first step in silencing this voice is to understand that self-doubt isn’t based on reality. It’s simply mirroring your fears and insecurities. Every time you hear that voice, you have the power to challenge it. Ask yourself: Is this thought serving me? Is it based on truth or on assumptions? And more importantly: What would I do if I didn’t doubt myself?

Shutting down self-doubt isn’t about ignoring the challenges in front of you, but accepting that you are capable of handling them. When that inner critic speaks, challenge it. Counter it with evidence of your strengths, achievements, and lessons learned. The more you do this, the less power self-doubt will have.

Shutting down self-doubt is not about pretending it doesn’t exist but refusing to let it run your life.

Here’s how to begin:

• Call it out – Self-doubt is sneaky. It whispers in your own voice, making fear sound like logic. The moment you hear, “I’m not ready,” or “I’ll mess this up,” pause and name it. That’s not truth—that’s insecurity dressed up as reason.
• Break the pattern – Doubt loops are habits. When you catch yourself spiraling, disrupt it. Stand up. Take a breath. Say something out loud. Move. Change the setting. A small physical shift can interrupt the emotional script.
• Collect New Data – Self-doubt doesn’t like evidence. Make a habit of collecting your wins: things you overcame, conversations you handled, times you were scared but still showed up. Keep a record. When doubt returns, bring receipts.
• Reframe the story – Language matters. “I can’t” becomes “I’m figuring it out.” “I’ll probably fail” becomes “I’m learning something either way.” Don’t lie to yourself—speak to yourself with strength and accuracy.
• Do something small, right now – Don’t wait to feel ready. Action is how you build readiness. Send the email. Apply. Speak up. Doubt hates momentum. Even one tiny step tells your brain: I’m doing this anyway.
• Respond with kindness, not cruelty – Self-doubt doesn’t need more shame. It needs a stronger, wiser voice to step in. Talk to yourself like someone you love, especially when you’re struggling.

Here’s the truth: the goal isn’t to be fearless. It’s to know the doubt will come, and to move forward anyway. Confidence doesn’t replace fear—it rises above it, choice by choice. Every time you answer doubt with action, you reclaim a little more of your power.

Open a New Confidence Account

Imagine if you could open a new bank account, but instead of depositing money, you are depositing the lessons learned, the moments of your achievements and small victories. That’s what I like to call a confidence account. Every time you do something that pushes you beyond your comfort zone, you’re making a deposit. Whether it is signing a new contract, speaking up in a meeting, confronting a difficult conversation, or simply stepping into the unknown, you’re investing in your confidence account.

But here’s the secret: Your confidence account isn’t built with big banknotes. It’s built on the small, everyday actions you take. It’s the little things that add up over time, the times you have gotten back up after failure, the risks you have taken even when you were not sure of the outcome, the times you have chosen to trust yourself. Every one of those moments counts as a deposit in your confidence account.

Start paying attention to your everyday wins, no matter how small. Maybe you finally took that flying lessons or piano class, even though you were nervous. Maybe you wrote an article for a magazine when you would usually stay away from the written word. Maybe you allowed yourself a moment of zen in the middle of a busy day. Each of these actions is a new currency building your confidence account.

The more you focus on these wins, the more your mind will shift. Confidence isn’t something you either have or don’t have—it’s something you cultivate, day by day. Each small win is like a ripple that grows into a wave. As you add to your confidence account, you’ll start to notice that self-doubt has less room to breathe. Your trust in yourself becomes stronger, your belief in your abilities grows, and the power to face whatever comes next feels less intimidating.

Generate Confidence when Running on Emotional Overdraft

One of the greatest sources of confidence comes from looking back at your Success Journal and recognizing all that you have already overcome. You are not who you were a year ago, a month ago, or even a week ago. Every challenge, every setback, every failure—has shaped you into someone stronger, smarter and more capable.

When you reflect on your past, don’t just focus on the things that didn’t go as planned. Focus on what you learned. The lessons you’ve gathered are the keys to unlocking new confidence. Think about the moments when you felt unsure, but kept going anyway. Those moments are what you stand on today.

So, when self-doubt creeps in, remind yourself of these lessons. The truth is, you’ve already proven that you can overcome challenges. You’ve done it before, and you can do it again. Each lesson you’ve learned is another reason to trust yourself more.

Building confidence is not a one-time event but a continuous practice. Building your confidence account requires consistency and self-discipline. You won’t always feel confident, and that’s okay. Confidence doesn’t mean being perfect, it means trusting yourself enough to keep going, even when things aren’t going exactly as planned.

Start today by making small deposits into your confidence account. Reflect on the lessons you’ve learned, shut down the voice of self-doubt, and celebrate every step you take, no matter how small. Over time, these deposits will add up, and you’ll find yourself standing stronger, more capable, and ready to take on whatever comes next.

Confidence is not a destination, but a way of being. And the good news is, you already have everything you need to build it. Imagine what you could afford if your confidence account was full. You’d spend freely on new beginnings, invest in bold decisions and walk away from anything that no longer supports your purpose. You wouldn’t bargain with your worth or wait for validation. When you are no longer running on emotional overdraft, you stop shrinking. You start making better choices. And that alone is worth your while.

Do you want to share your story and inspire our readers ? Know that  YOUR EXPERTISE is paving the way for a fairer, happier society.