Feeling Good and Happy: 8 Questions to Build a Healthy Self-perception

Overwriting your own success with feelings of “not good enough” is like planting seeds in the desert. No matter how many achievements you plant they never root in, they fail to take hold, leaving you feeling empty and unfulfilled.

No matter how many achievements, recognitions, or kind words flow in, they slip away as fast as they come, leaving you with the same emptiness. You tell yourself the accomplishments were just luck, or that someone else could have done it better. Even in moments where you feel proud, there’s a shadow of doubt that whispers: “Maybe it wasn’t enough.”

It’s exhausting and disheartening, constantly minimising the very things you worked so hard for. You may find yourself shifting the goalposts, thinking, “I’ll be good enough when…” only to find that reaching that next milestone doesn’t fill the void. It’s as though you’re building a house without a foundation, and each success lacks the grounding to truly feel solid or meaningful.

But realising this pattern is also the first step to breaking it. Over time, with conscious effort, you can start replacing that critical voice with a gentler one—one that acknowledges your growth, celebrates your efforts and reminds you that your worth isn’t tied to any single achievement. Slowly, you can rewrite the story to honor not just what you’ve done, but who you are, imperfections and all.

Self-perception is like a vitamin for the soul; it nourishes your sense of worth and keeps you grounded in who you are and the impact you make in your lifetime.

This morning, I received a thank-you message from someone I recently helped publish their book. They shared how priceless my contribution was and how my belief in their unique story meant the world to them. Reading their kind words felt like a reminder of my own purpose and value. Adding this “thank you” to my self-perception inventory feels like taking a dose of that essential vitamin—one that strengthens my spirit and reinforces that I am on the right path.

There was a time in my life when thank you cards and compliments slipped off me like rain on glass and any kind word felt more like a polite gesture than something to be genuinely embraced. I had achieved things that should have made me proud, yet somehow, the sense of being “not good enough” lingered deep in my heart, watching from the background, undermining my confidence.

I constantly questioned whether I deserved the success I’d brought along, convinced that others just hadn’t seen the flaws I knew too well. During my book tour around the world, something happened that course- correct my destiny. One day, while I was launching my book in Vancouver, Canada , someone approached me and said something that stopped me in my tracks.

They looked me in the eyes and said: ” Please take my thank you seriously—you’ve changed my life.” The sincerity in their words left me speechless.

In that moment, I realised that my inability to accept gratitude was rooted in a distorted self-perception which was already chronic. I was a very happy child but everything changed when I became a single parent. Since I had always been quick to block any gratitude coming my way, ignoring thousands of ‘thank you’ received along the way. I could only see my faults, refusing to accept my strengths.

Here was someone who saw something valuable in me, something worth thanking and he meant it. The way he said it was like an wake up call. I realised it was time I learned to see it too. That was the first real turning point. It wasn’t a quick fix, but it marked the beginning of an inner shift. I started to ask myself why I found it so hard to believe in my own value, and slowly, I began to build a more compassionate understanding of who I was destined to be. 

We are born compassionate but we are not aware that being kind to others starts with being kind to yourself.

Recognizing your worth and building a healthy self-perception takes courage and requires self-compassion and patience. Yet, each step forward felt like removing a veil that had clouded my view. Revealing and accepting my self worth and appreciating myself was an alien language. Where do you start?

Just like you, I could publish a book with hundreds of pages sharing all the experiences when others took advantage of my kindness or the contribution I’ve made to their success. In all fairness, I allowed it without knowing. I really believe that, right now, what might serve you best is a short list of questions to help you re-build your self-perception from the ground up.

Checking in with yourself is essential for nurturing a healthy self-perception. When asking meaningful, reflective questions, you can gain insight into how you truly see yourself and identify areas that might need more compassion or change. Here are the questions I curated to help you take the “pulse” on your self-perception:

How do I talk to myself in moments of challenge?

Do you offer yourself words of encouragement, or do you criticise yourself harshly? The tone of your inner dialogue reveals much about your self-perception. Try to notice if you extend the same kindness to yourself that you would to a friend in a similar situation.

What do I believe about my own worth?

Take a moment to reflect on the source of your self-worth. Is it tied to accomplishments, the opinions of others, or something deeper and more complex? Understanding this can help you recognize if your self-perception is rooted in social conditioning and expectations or genuine self-respect.

What story do I tell myself about my abilities and potential?

Are you focused on your strengths and possibilities, or do you limit yourself with doubts? The narratives you hold often shape the way you approach challenges and examining these can reveal whether you’re lifting up yourself or restricting yourself.

How do I feel when I look in the mirror?

What emotions come up when you see yourself in the mirror? This question may reveal subtle attitudes about your physical self-image and can be a starting point for working toward a more accepting view of your appearance. You will be surprised what you could see when you start seeing yourself with your heart.

What role does comparison play in my life?

Are you frequently measuring yourself against others? If so, how does that make you feel? Recognizing when and why you compare yourself with others can help you refocus on your unique strengths and journey.

How do I respond to compliments or praise?

Do you accept compliments graciously, or do you tend to brush them off? Your reactions to positive feedback can reveal whether you believe you are deserving of kindness and recognition.

Are you holding onto past mistakes and failures?

Is your self-perception weighed down by regret, or are you learning and moving forward? Self-forgiveness is a powerful part of a healthy self-image, as it allows you to grow rather than be held back by past missteps.

What am I grateful for about myself?

Identifying what you appreciate about who you are can shift your focus to the positive aspects of yourself. This simple question encourages a habit of self-actualisation and gratitude.

Each of these questions can act like a gentle tap on your inner compass, helping you realign when you drift away from your true worth. When regularly “taking the pulse” of your self-perception, you can embrace a growth mindset and begin to cultivate a more compassionate, grounded view of yourself. In time, these reflections can lead you to see yourself not as a list of flaws and successes, but as a whole, evolving person worthy of self-care and kindness.

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