---
title: "Healing with Love: How Memories Are Updated"
description: How to set down old emotional weight, forgive for your own freedom and find closure, with the neuroscience showing how memories are updated
author: Dr Marina Nani (Editor-in-Chief)
date: 2026-06-20T10:00:00.000Z
updated: 2026-06-20T13:16:40.669Z
canonical: https://richwoman.co/article/healing-with-love-how-memories-are-updated
image: https://cdn.nanimediahouse.com/adrien-tutin-x8xJpClTvR0-unsplash.jpg
categories: Feeling Good and Happy
content_type: Guide
region: Global
publication: Rich Woman Magazine
access: members
schema_type: Article
---

There is a particular kind of weight a woman can carry so long that she forgets she is carrying it, an old hurt, a conversation that ended badly, a version of herself she has not forgiven, a door someone closed without ever explaining why. It stops feeling like a burden and starts to feel like her. And then one day something is lighter, and she realises how much she had been holding.

This is about how that happens, and why it is more possible than it feels. The hope comes, of all places, from neuroscience. For most of the last century, scientists believed that once a memory settled into long-term storage it was fixed, more or less permanent. Around the turn of the millennium that belief broke apart. We now know that every time you bring a memory to mind, it turns briefly soft again, open to change, before it is stored once more. The past, as it lives inside you, is not set in stone. You cannot change what happened. You can change how it sits in you.

## You cannot set down what you will not look at

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